


Swoon

by midnightstreet



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: M/M, Mariah Carey - Freeform, Melodramatic David, Troll Patrick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24657265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightstreet/pseuds/midnightstreet
Summary: David's in adelicate state, okay??
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 9
Kudos: 119





	Swoon

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a thing! Again! I literally cannot believe it; I have clearly been replaced by a pod person.
> 
> More thanks to yourbuttervoicedbeau for beta/general handholding.
> 
> Takes place immediately after the Schitt's Creek appearance (with special guest!) on [Dear Class of 2020](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMnTwzFxT_k), which ends with Noah jumping out of frame, as though Patrick is rushing to the other room to check on David.

When David finally, fully came around, he found himself lying in full romance-novel-heroine swoon on their couch, Patrick applying a damp cloth to his forehead.

"Oh, hello, nurse," David said with the cheekiest grin he could manage while still in his weakened state.

"Hey, welcome back, champ," Patrick greeted, standing up from his crouch next to the sofa, "Do you think you have a concussion? What year is it? How many fingers am I holding up?" Patrick fired off (not even holding up any fingers, the asshole), clearly mocking David. David huffed, indignant ( _champ??_ ), and swung his arm up, covering his eyes with the back of his hand, as though the soft afternoon light were simply too much in his delicate condition.

"You mock me _now_ , in my moment of vulnerability? Some Florence Nightingale you are!"

He heard Patrick chuckle from the direction of the kitchen, followed by footsteps moving closer until Patrick ran his fingers along David's exposed palm, prompting David to open his eyes and see the glass of water being offered.

"Hmm. Still not Florence Nightingale, but I suppose you're at least qualified to play sexy nursemaid at some point in the future. Provided, that is, I am in full health at the time."

"Well that's a relief, thank you. Do I get one of those little vinyl dresses from the Halloween store?"

"If you're lucky," David mumbled into his water glass.

"Hmm, sounds like that would make _you_ the lucky one."

Huffing at the realization that Patrick had no plans to take his little fainting spell seriously, David swung his legs around, standing. He realized his mistake too late, as blood rushed to his head and his knees did, indeed, buckle. Fortunately, Patrick recognized it for what it was and wrapped an arm quickly around David's back, changing the trajectory of his drop so that he landed with his ass squarely back on the couch.

"Mmm, _my_ hero," David declared.

"Why don't you give it another five minutes here, then we'll get you upstairs. But I need you to answer me honestly: do you feel nauseous at all? Ringing in the ears? Do you remember what happened that led up to this?"

David felt his heart give a little flutter. "Well I hope I didn't dream it, but I think this may have been the best day of my life." David stared into the middle distance, lost to memories of Mariah - _Mariah!!!_ "That did really happen, didn't it?"

Patrick was looking at him strangely, and oh god, _had_ David dreamed the whole thing?

"The _best day of your life??_ David, I know how important Mariah is to you, but..." Patrick chuckled, running his fingers through the hair he had forgotten was gelled back and wiping his sticky palm on his jeans, "You do remember that we're _married_ , right? I thought that day was pretty special, myself."

_Shit._

"Sweetheart. Darling. Love of my life." 

Patrick stared expectantly at David, his look saying, 'Let's see you dig your way out of this one.' Fuck, he was even crossing his arms. 

_Mmm, biceps..._

FUCK! 

"I'm delirious!" David began, throwing his hands up, "I can't be held responsible for my actions! Don't look at me like that! I'm _in a delicate state!_ " 

"I don't know, David, are you sure it's not Mariah you wish you were married to?" 

David swore he could _feel_ his brain skipping like a record at the thought. He was saved from dwelling on such an idea by the sound of Patrick...cracking up? The bastard! 

"Oh David, your _face_. I have to tell Stevie about this one. Where did I put my phone?" 

Patrick hopped off the couch with a bounce in his step, heading straight for the stairs, throwing a wicked grin over his shoulder. "You know, it's too bad you're in too delicate a state to go test those bedroom acoustics. Guess I'll just have to do it solo." 

David jumped up to follow, achieving one whole step before remembering why he was on the couch in the first place. He landed on his ass on the hardwood, and vowed to invest in more rugs. 


End file.
